*Before you read this, I want you to understand that I put my feelings in my blog posts. I am a personal photographer, so it comes easy to me to put my feelings out there. Writing has always been a healthy outlet for me and my blog is the perfect place for that. Even so, I hovered hesitantly over that “publish” button because I was afraid that after reading this post, people might associate negative feelings with my business, and that that is not what this post is about. I have been so blessed with my photography journey. Anyway, read at your own discretion. You’ve been warned!*
I started this business 5 years ago. I was 15. It’s funny because way back then, and even just a year ago, I really thought I had my life figured out. I had the college picked out, the career under my belt, the boyfriend, and the whole fairytale dream. Oh, 15-year-old Taylor, you had no idea. The college isn’t yours, the boyfriend isn’t yours, and the fairytale turns out to be just that… a fairytale. It’s not real.
I’m REALLY good at dreaming. Like, scary good. I can have a whole story written in a matter of seconds… the setting being a beautiful city that I’ve never been to, the perfect guy that I’ve never met, an immense circle of friends, and of course, the perfect studio. It’s a skill, a talent even. But a dreamer’s dream can also be their downfall. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense to you.
I spent 5 years devoting myself to one of my dreams. I didn’t realize I was doing it, but my passion has soared with every click of the shutter. My heart has delighted with each vision coming to life… right in my viewfinder, right at my fingertips. I cried a little but loved A LOT these five past years. I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged in the way that I feel behind that lens, and yet, right now, late at night when I’m all alone and the stress of school is looming, I feel a little lost.
See, when you devote yourself 100% to a dream, you make a decision. You make the choice to put that dream at the top of your priority list. That’s how you succeed… you make the decision to do so. You think that when you have reached your version of success, happiness will be at the finish line. And when you notice that your social life has gone, your time to yourself has become minimum, and your motivation is running low… congratulations. Take a look at your dream. It’s thriving, right? That’s where the problem lies. Because you aren’t happy… at least not as happy as you should be, because balance is key in life and that is where I am wistfully lacking right now. Balance. It’s not easy when your dream is your one true love… Not easy at all… but real success IS happiness and that kind of success is only possible with balance.
No, this isn’t quite how I imagined my life to be, but I’m trusting that God led me here for a reason. I’m learning that I’ll probably never have my life figured out, and I’m accepting that that’s okay. Maybe that perfect city, perfect guy, perfect friends, and perfect studio doesn’t exist… and that’s okay too. I’ve found something in life that most people only search for: Passion… and that, I am ALWAYS grateful for.
Yes, that’s a picture of me and my new ink… inspired by, of course, my love for what I do and my beautiful big sister that I miss daily.