As I’m sitting here, curled up in a blanket, editing images while listening/sort of watching The Walking Dead, the thought occurred to me… I don’t blog enough newborn images. And then I realized, I don’t blog enough in general. I want to, but I don’t. I don’t have enough time. Enough.
I don’t have enough time for a lot of things these days. Trying to be the perfect student and maintaining this wonderful business of mine… it’s daunting. And I can’t help but wonder if I can be enough for it all. Sure, I can want to be enough, I can try. But what if it’s not possible? What if my big dreams really are just that… too big? My grades are not what they should be, and I’ve been asking myself over and over, at what point did I decide that less than perfect is acceptable? When have I allowed myself to give less than enough towards my education?
I don’t know.
These thoughts filled my mind for the past couple of weeks, until the other day. The first day of March that reached above 50 degrees. I was driving home from the studio when I peeked down a country road as I drove past. I saw a little girl walking with her mama as they held hands. The little girl was wearing one of those full-skirted dresses… the kind of dress that is perfect for twirling. They were walking West, directly into the sunset. It was one of those moments. You know, the kind that make you sad & happy all at once. A smile accompanied with a tear and you can’t really pinpoint why. Maybe it sparked a bit of my own childhood in my mind. I can’t be quite sure, but I wanted to photograph them. I turned the car into the next driveway and turned around.
But as I headed back towards that country road, something changed. The sun had sunk just a little lower… the clouds that were a breathtaking shade of red-orange were replaced with a dull bluish-grey. And when I turned down that country road, not even a full minute later, the little girl and her mama were gone.
Beautiful moments are fleeting. What an honor it is to be able to capture them. Kids grow up. They change so fast. Before you know it, the sun is already setting. Maybe I’m not enough for college. Maybe I never was. But if nothing else, I have the blessing of capturing fleeting moments. You know, the kind that make you sad & happy all at once. A smile accompanied with a tear and you can’t really pinpoint why. Little girls in twirly dresses, holding their mama’s loving hand. Warm sunsets. No, I didn’t get to photograph those sweet strangers… not yet, anyway… but for that split second, I saw something that I will never be able to thank them for. I saw that I’m enough.
Thankfully, it sounds like that moment was not a missed opportunity at all, Taylor. I like to believe that some moments are meant to be seen and felt for a particular reason – such as your conclusion that you’re enough – but not necessarily photographed. It sounds like such a private, perfect day that they were sharing together. 🙂
How wonderful would it be to dedicate all our free time to whatever we’re studying & whatever our career paths take us? Of course we could always do better in some way – but we also have lives to live. I was told a story once of two roommates in college who each shared a goal of graduating with 4.0’s in their engineering fields. Well, they both ended up succeeding, but when it was all said & done, they both realized they missed out on so many once-in-a-lifetime events during their young adult lives. I’ve always felt that there is so much more to life than spending day after day with your nose in a textbook. Not only that, but people need to be able to sit on the couch, play games, get outside, etc. and focus on themselves rather than school or work 24/7. It’s just healthier, I think. 🙂
Keep up the wonderful work on your photos!