One month has already come and gone. And it has been so full… full of love, frustration, joy, tears, sleepless nights, wet diapers, happiness and pride. Motherhood is a strange thing. It is still weird to me to think that I am actually embarking on this journey… that they are really mine and I am theirs. For some reason, this is a role that I thought would come so easily to me. I expected to stare at them in complete awe most hours of the day and to shift into this perfect little family life. And although I do find myself staring at them in awe quite often, I am realizing that I boxed myself into completely unrealistic expectations for motherhood. No one told me how hard it would be rush through feedings because while one is eating, the other is screaming, waiting for her turn. No one told me how difficult it would be to be completely sleep deprived because two newborn babies are incredibly demanding at all hours of the night. No one told me how tough it would be to be calming one fussy baby for hours on end through the afternoon while the other sleeps perfectly alone in her bassinet… that there is a certain guilt associated with showing one more affection than the other.
And all at the same time, no one told me how deeply I’d love them and the bond that they already share with each other. They are without a doubt one of the very best things that has ever happened to me. When they look into my eyes, I am overwhelmed. My heart overflows with love for them and it suddenly seems that everything else in the world doesn’t matter. The things that once caused me worry become trivial. And they are my reason for everything, my purpose.
This mama gig… it isn’t easy. It’s not perfect. It’s not exactly how I thought it’d be. But it is worth every moment of spit-up, dirty diaper, fussy baby madness. We are slowly learning together… this life is new for all of us. So I’m letting go of all expectations and embracing the craziness. We’re in this together. It has only been a month, and I have to tell you, I can’t wait to see who we become.